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Mainstream Feelings.

Understanding the silence !

I know what it was to be chirpy for you,

I know what it was to be expressive for you, to keep on having a rocking conversation and never be tired of it all,

I know what it is to dream for you, to aspire, to desire for things, to feel elegant for once,

I know what promises mean for you,

I know how your heart beats, how your eyes sparkle, your cheeks rise up when you know someone cares and someone would do the things for you no one ever thought of,

I even know what your heartbreak is like, how your tears dry up on your lips, how you resign from life, how you let go of everything,

You’ve been good, been strong, been kind to everyone always no matter what they did to you,…..believed in people and the dreams you saw with a possibility of them getting broken.

I know it’s not your fault for I’m not even upset with you. For I am sorry my life has seen some major breakdowns lately.

I appreciate you still holding out, vouching for me, for here I am trying to make the dreams come true.

For they will be forever. I will be forever. You will be a forever too.

I know it hurts you to address that pain, to think of how today would be different, hence…the silence. I respect the silence for my nights also end up in tears suppressing my voice with a pillow.

I can’t stop worrying about you. I have always wanted to get away from this life. But then, there’s you – there’s this care and worry for you which makes me want to exist more than ever and be with you. I love you.

I want to thank you for actually having stood by the word forever. I mean that too.

I won’t say who you are for you are a part of me. My soul…for that is why I now can exist. You and me…Inseparable.

I just want to say…I understand your silence for these feelings, these emotions are greater than words could ever explain.

Words…

I miss how the word life used to make me feel alive…

I miss how the word love used to make my heart pound…

I miss how sleep used to delight me, how food would rejoice me…

How my body danced along to the tunes of an early morning sunshine…

Turning the light on isn’t the same, looking in the mirror isn’t a reason to smile anymore…

I wonder if the word forever ever meant it’s meaning…

Was the word expectations meant to feel like a burden ?

Was the word friendship fated to be used only by facebook and tv series ?

Did the word go out of it’s way to make itself seem beautiful now ?

I miss how tears were only meant to show up on rare occasions for they are all around me waiting to pounce out…

I miss how the word trust was supposed to make me feel secure instead of having me relive all my pains…

i miss how the word life used to make me feel alive…

But I guess this is the part where I move on for everything is now just…words……….without souls !!!

The Misconceptions about Cowards

Death

Intimidating ? Frightening ? End of everything ? – Probably yeah. But maybe it’s not the end of everything. It’s just a part of the two-step cycle that everyone has to go through.

Death is something we all will face someday. Similarly like birth, we don’t have a choice in being dead. Perhaps, we will be more dead than we were ever alive. Maybe that is why we care about the impression we leave on this reality so much. But unlike life, we all do have a say, a choice in when, where and how we want to embrace the choice of not existing in the reality we know.

Wait.!!! I did mean suicide but why do I hear people mumbling – cowards/weak/incapable under their breaths ? Maybe because this “strong” world didn’t care enough to understand the efforts of those we call “suicidal”.

Have you ever thought – maybe these “suicidals” are the stronger, wiser, or maybe brave than the most of us ? Every morning, even before they open their eyes and lay their feet on the ground – they are burdened with the situations and people they have to deal with. Every day they put on a smile, gather themselves and begin a battle in a hope to make everything right. Every day they struggle to put their best selves forward., trying to put a smile on other people’s faces because they know what it feels like to not have one on our own faces.

They are strong enough to make it through the day.  It’s difficult with all those noises inside you know. Still they sleep and decide to wake up and go through it all. They are brave.

Suicidals are not weak. It’s just that they have stayed way too strong for things that were out of their capacity and loving for the people who didn’t even care. They’re straight forward, If they don’t like something – they just want to put an end to it. As simple as that. We humans complicate everything. Just because the mass doesn’t have guts to quit what they don’t like, they force others to get dragged into life just so that they can feel good that they are not alone in this shitty world. Humans are just like crabs – if 9 out of 10 can’t escape a basket, they won’t let the capable one leave too.

If the suicidals have been strong enough to hold on till the water started reaching their noses, they are smart enough to let go of the life where the brain and the heart have already given up and the living organic body is just being dragged.

The point is- never undermine, never shame, never disregard the ones who are suicidal. Respect them. Let them be. Treat them as normals and if you feel like you can give them a reason to hold on or a way to stay alive – go on. Never ignore them as the depressed or antisocial beings. Don’t try to change them just because suicide sounds immoral or you feel that they are unstable. You never know what they have been through or are going through at the moment. Be the space for them they have always yearned for.

And in no way do I even encourage committing suicide for situations that can be turned around by a way of change of perspective. Still if they want to put an end to the journey of life – go ahead. But be sure you’ll have given it a thorough thought on the consequences it will have on your loved ones, the opportunities you’ll miss and chances of you being happier than you ever were. Like I said – you will be dead longer than you were ever alive. Do make an impression that would allow your soul to be satisfied when you’re on your death-bed.

Don’t worry suicidals, you’ll are not alone. We understand you and we do respect the strength of holding on you’ll have shown to the world. Cheer up. 🙂

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